Seth Miller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
angstbucket) wrote2012-07-02 03:39 pm
angstbucket) wrote2012-07-02 03:39 pm
Entry tags:
[fic]
Rachel leaves because he said You can leave, because it'd hurt either way... if she stayed or if she went. Now he is not really sure that it- that it wouldn't have felt better if she'd stayed if only so the whole of it doesn't crash down on him with no reason for him to keep it in or to put a lid on it or to try to think about why it would be bad if it all came sinking in on him.
The problem is-
There are many problems, many problems created by the universe, created by the parents who gave birth to him, created by his own brain. One of the problems is that it all stems from his own issues which are in multitude as it is, and the issue goes back to that one same thing that is only solidified by this feeling.
By this unrequited love feeling that has been beating the shit out of his heart for years and years and years.
Sixteen hit and it was- it was one more thing. They got together, and it was one more thing, and he doesn't know how much a heart can take, which seems so stupid to think about.
The house is empty, and he's left alone with it like he was left alone with it before Rachel came over. There's just the solid knowing that telling her was a mistake, that it made her look the way that she did, that it made it ll feel the way that it feels right now.
He doesn't know how to stop it.
He doesn't know how different, separate still only feels like... not enough, like don't belong, like... This is the Path You Can't Go Down.
The one that you've seen ahead of you for so long.
Seth's drinking. His father thinks it is okay if it will help with the demon, and sometimes he wonders when he's drunk enough if there'll come a day where his father kills him too.
And he doesn't know how aware he is when he pulls out his phone and sends the text message to Noah, knowing Rachel well enough to know she'd not say a thing despite the fact that she never lies to Noah, never lies to him either.
ive had feelings for rachel for years. sorry.
Seth doesn't think he could tell someone in person again. The words would be too difficult to manage out loud, and he wouldn't be able to handle looking at someone else's face, hearing something else about how he's still Important.
The text that comes back is incredibly fast (you'd think he needed more time to process it), did you tell her?
yeah
And it is not even a second later that the next text message comes through. are you okay?
Reading it makes him throw his phone against the wall.
Part of it breaks off, and he doesn't pick it up again until he goes for another drink. There's seven more text messages where that one leaves off, and Seth leans against the wall with the phone in hand, shaking his head. "Noah, buddy," he says out in a slur. "You've gotta stop worrying about everybody else."
But what he texts back is one word.
peachy
It's many days later before he thinks about heading back outside again.
The demon is loud. His beatup heart is loud.
And he feels like an idiot because Rachel and Noah are the best people he's ever known. What does it matter if he's left behind, if eh's felt that way, if eh's not enough?
It's something to be loved by them at all.
Despite all this shit, despite all his shit.
It's something, and it's that thought that finally pushes him through the doorway of his home again, wavering where he stands, head on fire.
He's out of food, and the store has more, and he told her a long time ago that he would fight, that he's not throwing in the towel yet. And he's not.
The problem is-
There are many problems, many problems created by the universe, created by the parents who gave birth to him, created by his own brain. One of the problems is that it all stems from his own issues which are in multitude as it is, and the issue goes back to that one same thing that is only solidified by this feeling.
By this unrequited love feeling that has been beating the shit out of his heart for years and years and years.
Sixteen hit and it was- it was one more thing. They got together, and it was one more thing, and he doesn't know how much a heart can take, which seems so stupid to think about.
The house is empty, and he's left alone with it like he was left alone with it before Rachel came over. There's just the solid knowing that telling her was a mistake, that it made her look the way that she did, that it made it ll feel the way that it feels right now.
He doesn't know how to stop it.
He doesn't know how different, separate still only feels like... not enough, like don't belong, like... This is the Path You Can't Go Down.
The one that you've seen ahead of you for so long.
Seth's drinking. His father thinks it is okay if it will help with the demon, and sometimes he wonders when he's drunk enough if there'll come a day where his father kills him too.
And he doesn't know how aware he is when he pulls out his phone and sends the text message to Noah, knowing Rachel well enough to know she'd not say a thing despite the fact that she never lies to Noah, never lies to him either.
ive had feelings for rachel for years. sorry.
Seth doesn't think he could tell someone in person again. The words would be too difficult to manage out loud, and he wouldn't be able to handle looking at someone else's face, hearing something else about how he's still Important.
The text that comes back is incredibly fast (you'd think he needed more time to process it), did you tell her?
yeah
And it is not even a second later that the next text message comes through. are you okay?
Reading it makes him throw his phone against the wall.
Part of it breaks off, and he doesn't pick it up again until he goes for another drink. There's seven more text messages where that one leaves off, and Seth leans against the wall with the phone in hand, shaking his head. "Noah, buddy," he says out in a slur. "You've gotta stop worrying about everybody else."
But what he texts back is one word.
peachy
It's many days later before he thinks about heading back outside again.
The demon is loud. His beatup heart is loud.
And he feels like an idiot because Rachel and Noah are the best people he's ever known. What does it matter if he's left behind, if eh's felt that way, if eh's not enough?
It's something to be loved by them at all.
Despite all this shit, despite all his shit.
It's something, and it's that thought that finally pushes him through the doorway of his home again, wavering where he stands, head on fire.
He's out of food, and the store has more, and he told her a long time ago that he would fight, that he's not throwing in the towel yet. And he's not.
no subject
All his issues are just so perfectly catalogued here and you can just see that it is so much more than his feelings being unrequited. There's something rooted in him much deeper that feels unrequited, that feels not right, that sets him apart from the three people he cares about most and it's really heartbreaking. ;__;
There's so much about this fic that was just a painful punch to the gut but can I focus on something beautiful about it for a second? I love that you included Noah and Seth and the revelation with them, too. And I love that it was about their friendship and whether he was okay as opposed to it being about the girl or jealousy or anything like that.
It just read as something purely about them and not Rachel, and I really loved that.
MOST OF ALL, I LOVE FIC FROM YOU and I believe this is the first time in a while I've had the pleasure of reading one. :3333
It was glorious and painful, as always. ;;
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It wasn't all that great of a fic from me, but I haven't written a fic in a long time so it's understandable, I think, that the first one back would not be that great.
I'm really glad all his issues since he has so many of them came through though, and YES. Noah is very much not... like he is a jealous person but when it comes to his people, he's not... he loses himself in a sense in caring about them basically. So he was worried about Rachel thus the quickly sending a text being like, Did you tell her? aka Are these the reason for the feels?
And then his next text was are you okay?
Cause that is how he rolls with his own issues ;;
BAW YAY I AM GLAD YOU LOVE FIC FROM ME. It has been a long time since I wrote a fic. It is true. jrkle;a. But I think I'll be writing a bunch today so making up for lost time or something. u___u
But I'm really happy you thought so. ;;
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LMFAO OMFG WTF
take that back like rn.
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I wrote another fic and I'm like man, these fics are no coming out well at all and read like faillllllllllll
IT IS JUST THE TRUTH.
LMFAO I love that icon. >_>
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but fwaugh yes his sad fais ;;
/snugs him tight .-.
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